When your doctor date steals from the garnish...

A story from the "bad date" archives—featuring "Chad"

In a recent column, I shared about my date with the future murderer and ended with an expression of gratitude that most of my dating stories are lighter than that one.

Here is one such lighter dating story from probably 16 years ago. I let this fellow, let’s call him Chad, pick me up at my house, something I now never permit until after we’ve been out multiple times. What can I say—I was in my mid-to-late 20s and hadn’t yet begun my…ah…education in true crime.

So, Chad picked me up in his older model Toyota Corolla. No judgment on older cars, but for a never-married guy who was supposedly a doctor, it felt weird.

First stop: a bike shop where he wanted to look at bikes for himself. A little weird, but whatever.

After this really fun stop, we hurried over to the nearby Sizzler steak house. Chad called it Sizzlers with no intention of being funny. I say “hurried” because we did—he wanted to make sure we made it in time for the “early bird special.” If memory serves, he even had a coupon to use for our meal. #dazzled.

I was further embarrassed for him and entertained for me when he had the audacity to pluck 2-3 whole kiwis out of the garnish on the salad bar. Back at the table, he proceeded to peel and eat them with great ceremony. And seemed to feel a little rebuffed when I told him I didn’t want any of his ill-gotten, meant-for-garnish fruit.

Our auspicious date ended at a movie, but not a full-priced movie. Oh no. We went to a dollar movie. Even then I was not at all opposed to cheap movies; it was something I did often with friends. But on a first date that already stunk of “cheap,” this was an additional strike against him.

Chad had not even a remote chance with me at this point, but if by some miracle he did, it would’ve been completely squashed when, within the first 5 minutes of the movie starting, he slouched in his seat. And put his head on my shoulder. I’ve never felt more like a mother than in this moment, and a mother is the last thing a woman wants to feel like on a date with a grown man, especially one who is twelve years her senior and who lives with him mom.

Anyway, wherever you are, Chad, I hope you’re doing well. And I hope you’re buying your own kiwis these days—Sizzlers would, I’m sure, be grateful. Just as I’m grateful we didn’t end up together since you’ll probably agree we weren’t a made-for-each-other match.

I’m so glad you’re here. See you in the next one…

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