Pre-Dateline Dating Intuition

The perfect-on-paper date I never saw again

A daily column about freedom, exploration, life in general, and creating work and a life you actually like. There are stories.

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Something like 12 years ago, I went on a date with a future murderer. If you want to take a minute and re-read that sentence, go ahead.

We met “on accident” in a restaurant. I was there for lunch with my sister, he was there with a friend, and he stopped me as I passed his table to ask, “Do I know you?” The classic line very much worked. It turns out that we did not know each other, and I was twitterpated when he asked for my phone number.

Over dinner in one of those urban chic restaurants in a trendy warehouse district, I was impressed by his education—something like four degrees—and his seemingly very interesting life.

He was the cliche tall, dark, and handsome, had children he seemed to love from a previous marriage, and in general seemed to be a “good guy.” We shared the same faith, and on paper at least, we seemed like enough of a match for me to be excited about going out again.

But for whatever reason, I was reticent about a second date when he suggested it at the end of the night. And when I drove home, for the first time I could remember, I checked my mirrors—often at that—and took random turns to make sure a date wasn’t following me home.

All this savviness, even before I became a “Dateline” aficionado.

Did I know then that he was capable of the things he would be accused of over the next decade? Or that, worst of all, he was going to take the life of someone he loved and then himself? Sure didn’t. He probably didn’t either. And maybe at that point he wasn’t capable of those things. All I know is that something in my gut warned me to be careful, and I’m glad I listened. None of this is to say I couldn’t have been taken in by his charms, but thankfully, that night I wasn’t.

Speaking of thankful, it’s a good thing the other dating stories I have to share here are happy or humorous ones; this one has just been on my mind. And now it might be on yours, too. Sorry about that!

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