Dating app commentary
Apparently, I'm supposed to love tacos
There are a few phrases I said truly countless times over my two years of often-solo travels: “For one” (usually requesting a table in a dining establishment), “Just me” (when arriving to events and they needed to know how many people were in the party), and “One is fine” when asked how many room keys I needed. Occasionally, I’d definitively request two keys just to keep hotel clerks guessing even though they probably didn’t.
Because here’s the thing: I am single. As in not married, currently unattached, solo. And I continue to hope to find the forever love of my life, which means I date.
“Date” is a verb which, in 2025 parlance, means I have a “profile” on “apps” and do things like “swipe” and exchange message with strangers with whom I may never even have a phone call but sometimes do and/or I end up meeting in real life for a date. It’s all very exciting. Sometimes it really is. I mean it! It can also be exhausting, but it’s a pastime we solos do because of all kinds of reasons, one of which is that we want to share our lives with someone else, in a synergistic relationship. Can you tell that I attended a corporate panel on AI this week and heard the word “synergy” for the first time in a while? I just couldn’t resist.
Back to dating, and particularly dating apps. When you’ve been at this for as long as I have, you start to notice similarities in dating profiles. You also begin to think thoughts about all of it. And find writing material in it, because the alternative is to become jaded and when was that ever very fun? Considering that some of you may never have had the pleasure of participating in this endeavor so wonderfully unique to our era of human history, I thought I’d do a chatty walk-through of some commonly-seen photos and bios on dating apps.
First of all, the number of photos accidentally showcasing a man’s nose hair is truly astonishing. Perhaps AI will provide us with options for filtering out such profiles, but for now, it’s a manual process. It should go without saying that no one should want perusers of their profile—or their personage in real life—to remember them for unflattering things like nose hair, but here I am. Saying it because it does not go without saying. While I’m on the subject, I’ll add this bit of unsolicited advice for single men: Most people probably don’t care to ever see any close-up photo of your nostrils from below. And finally, let’s extrapolate this important discussion to general thoughts on hygiene. These can be summed as follows: Have it, please. Simple efforts like combing your hair and looking like you know where the shower is in your home AND you use it regularly are really to be recommended.
A lot of men fish. Lest you think I’m being critical of this hobby, I’m not. Lake fishing was a favorite early date with a favorite boyfriend many years ago especially because he wormed my hook. That phrase sounds suspicious, but it’s just honestly what he did—he put the worms on my hook for me because I was squeamish about it. Another proof I’m not being critical of this fishing trend is that the movie A River Runs Through It is high on my watchlist. Also, my garage can attest to the fact that I personally OWN ALL THE FLYFISHING STUFF. I know enough about it to know that a) I want to do more of it and b) it’s overwhelming and c) my knots leave much to be be desired. So, it’s not that I have a problem with guys who fish. It’s more just a general interest observation that many men fish, or at least have photos taken of them holding fish. Since these photos are often taken near rivers or lakes or on ocean boats, I assume they did the fishing.
Caption: Under the tutelage of river guides who, I kid you not, had to chop through ice at fishing holes, I caught this ginormous fish on my first time out. I won’t show you the comparable minnows I’ve caught since then.
Many also hunt, as evidenced by photos of themselves unshowered, unshaven, and posing with a dead animal. Much like fishing, I’m not opposed to hunting or a man who hunts. There’s something wonderfully masculine about it, and extensive research tells me it’s actually good for our (goes to Google) ah yes, ecosystem balance. Everyone knows THAT. I’m from Montana and we all hunt there. Actually, I don’t, never have, and probably never will unless I find myself in a Hunger Games situation or I get some better aim so I can be merciful about it. Mainly, about these oft-seen photos, I just find myself wishing I could ask, “Are you trying to impress chicks or dudes with this picture?”
A surprising number of men like to take their photos at gyms. These typically but not always involve tank tops, no smile, leaning forward, and flexing. So all of us can see all the muscles. Years ago, I was at the gym and on the back row of treadmills. A handsome guy got off his first-row treadmill, faced me, then took two steps toward me. Cell phone in hand and partially smiling, I thought for 4.8 seconds that he wanted to talk to me. Nope. “Could he honestly be super-obviously taking a picture of me?” Also no. He was taking a picture of himself. Correction: He was taking several pictures of himself, all while standing a mere thirty inches away from me. I wondered who the “lucky recipient” of these pictures might be.
A lot of men also appear from their photos and bios to really, really love playing golf. No comment.
As much as I, ah, appreciate the public gym selfies, there’s another kind of selfie to talk about. These are the ones taken by men in which they are lounging on a couch in a (usually) poorly lit room, (sometimes) cuddling a cat or dog, and I think trying to look seductively at the camera. I say “trying” because nothing about the photo is seductive to this lover of life and appreciator of smiles and a light in people’s eyes. These pictures get even “better” when they are the majority of a man’s profile pictures, they’re blurry, they involve nostrils, and they’re taken much too close.
In my long tenure as a dater, it has been educational to me to learn from dating app profiles that 41% of men on apps really like tacos. Some goes as far as to state that a woman is made for him if she loves tacos like he does. Fascinating! Don’t get me wrong, Amigo. I like tacos. In fact, I really like some tacos. But they have not become a defining part of my life and personality or a major passion I’m looking to share with the love of my life. Yet, at least.
In case you’re wondering, this is “a hard-shell taco made from a prefabricated shell.”1 I do not know if these are the tacos men are specifically referring to, or if they’re talking about street tacos—small, classic and sometimes fancy affairs.
Some men love “dad jokes” like they love their tacos which has been established to be a lot. They brag about them, and are proud of how much their jokes irritate their kids. Am I violently opposed to dad jokes? No, not exactly violently. Do I find them funny? Rarely. Do I mildly enjoy the occasional one? Sure. But when a person leads so loudly with them, the prospect of a future with them starts to feel really long, knowing that they’re going to proudly pun their way through life.
There’s one final and very brief observation we’re going to just glance on so as not to end on a downer note: This observation comes to us from the profile pictures of a few men who bear an unfortunate and strong resemblance to a famous murderer. An approximate 8.9% of others look like someone headed that way. To men in the former category, my sincere condolences. And to men in the latter category, you might want to get help before it’s too late.
Given ALL THE very interesting quirks of humanity we all have, it’s really something that we all keep putting ourselves out there and having yet another conversation in hopes that this might be our synergistic buddy. Because I’m a traditional dater, I do appreciate all the men who are brave enough to start conversations, ask a woman out, to do things like open doors and walk on road side of the sidewalk. And would like to end with an especial shout-out to all the ones who haven’t murdered me, who’ve bought me tacos, who shower often, and who are willing to give me and my human frailties a chance. Thanks for the ride.
Isn’t life cool, and aren’t people interesting? See you in the next one…
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taco
This was a great read! The 'wormed your hook' does sound a bit sus! I love that tacos don't define your life.
Quite fascinating! People are quirky for sure.