"Are You Doing This for Me, or for You?"

The birthday dinner scavenger hunt, the pure generosity of kids, and the gifts we all really want—belief, understanding, being seen for who we are.

It was, I think, my 22nd birthday, and I was four things I don’t like to be on any day, much less a birthday. I was cold, hungry, uncomfortable, and late to an event. My boyfriend, let’s call him Chad, had thoughtfully planned a memorable birthday night, and even though the execution didn’t quite land, I found his effort sweet. I think. In my wiser age, I also wonder if said birthday was more for him than it was for me.

It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing. It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving. (Mother Theresa)

Just like it was more for me than him, when I took care of him after bunion surgery. I spent many precious college student dollars—mine, not ones I’d stolen from another college kid—on all kinds of gourmet foods and take-out during his recovery. His surgery was part of a pain management clinical trial in which participants were randomized and given either narcotic pain medication or ibuprofen. I’m really hoping there wasn’t a t…