Your Instincts Are Better Than You Know

They've just gotten buried by a pile of 'shoulds' and 'shouldn'ts'

I’ve always wanted to take improv”—says almost no one.

When I tell people—who, by the way, do incredibly brave things in their lives—that I took 12 weeks of improv last year, they hail me as a hero. Really, I was just new in Raleigh, wanted to meet new people, get out of my house and head, and thought it would be good for me. Boy, was it ever.

There are literally dozens, nay hundreds, of life lessons from improv.

Here’s just one: Fabulous instincts to do or say something wonderful, true or honest come fast. And are immediately followed by a super fun mental filter, usually telling us what we ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ do or say.

“It’s not funny” or “It doesn’t make sense” or “You shouldn’t say that.”

Sound a little like how we all show up in life? Yep, thought so.

This can lead to showing up as filtered, watered-down versions of ourselves:

• Not asking the meaningful questions we mean to.

• Not apologizing in the moment when something happens.

• Not laughing when it’s the most honest reaction to something we just saw or heard.

• Not taking action on a potentially interesting business or creative idea.

• Not asking the clarifying question in a meeting where every one is mutely nodding like they get it.

We have an instinct to try something in our business (as Yours Truly is doing right now*) and then go into Should/Shouldn’t Mode. (Sometimes because we’re comparing our idea to what everyone else is or isn’t doing. That’s fun.)

We pretend we don’t see the piece of broccoli in someone’s teeth because we think saying something might make them feel awkward. Instead, we let them go about their day, wondering for hours why everyone is being a little awkward today.

We hold back on doing the thoughtful thing we just had the idea to do because someone once misunderstood our thoughtfulness.

Real-life fail:

A friend and I were finishing up a hot chocolate chat when a woman sans coat, and carrying two very large bags of who-knows-what entered Starbucks. She deposited her bags, then loitered near the register, rubbing her hands together to warm them.

My instinct was to risk generosity, and approach her quietly with a $10 bill and say something like, “I don’t know your situation at all, but I wondered if you could use this to buy a hot drink?”

But I excused it away. “I don’t know if she is in need. I don’t want to offend her. I shouldn’t make assumptions.” There’s one of those pesky ‘should’ rocks which buries the best of intentions. So guess what? I didn’t help her, and will I never get another chance to make it right, to her at least.

Take-away:

Trust your instincts; they’re better than you know. And they’re exactly what you need to be able to do your unique work, your way.

To start trusting them more:

1. Take improv. Kidding, but kind of not.

2. Start listening for Should/Shouldn’t Mode kicking in. If it’s there, it’s probably masking an instinct to do something good.

3. Spend frequent time journaling about the original instinct and celebrating the possibilities of following it.

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Hey there! Are you a big dreamer bent on creating more freedom, purpose & possibility. Join the party!

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*P.S. I mentioned in my last post (Holding Our Things Lightly) that, after two years of traveling, I’d be taking some time off posting in order to move and unpack. And it turns out I’ve been unpacking more than boxes.

Starting on a surprise day this week, you’ll start to see changes here on More to Your Life. Because, in my figurative unpacking, I had the realization that if I’m going to be able to reprioritize book writing (Dear Fellow Dreamer for one, but not only), I’ve got to change some things up.

What I’m rolling out soon will hopefully be much more digestible and helpful for you, and more manageable for me. So win-win! Stay tuned…