Sometimes, we stink—literally

Body odor wasn't meant to be one of my prominent travel memories

The time has come to talk about body odor. I just needed to come right out and say it, so here it is, added to the queue of all-too-human things I’ve written about lately, like tipping gone too far and bad names. We all know body odor, we’ve all worried about having it, we’ve all almost certainly had it, and you, like me, are probably really glad you didn’t live in the pre-1888 “Stinky Times” Era.

In my extensive research for this article, I came across this article from Tom’s of Maine, a company my mother was supporting way before it became mainstream and cool to use natural products. Speaking of natural products, she also baked with fresh-ground whole wheat and honey way before they became cool, and, much to my adolescent chagrin, we only had things like baloney and soda rarely. Thanks, Mom.

Back to deodorant: In Tom's article about deodorant, I also learned that deodorant was initially marketed just to women; body odor on a dude was apparently considered “masculine.” How about that.

With this in mind, then, please allow me to introduce you to the most masculine man I’ve ever had the non-pleasure of sitting near on an airplane. If men with body odor were royalty, the guy I thought smelled bad on my January 2023 flight to Paris was a peasant of the court, and the guy I’m about to tell you about was The King of All Orders—no, wait—Odors.

My time in Rome had come to an end. I had just one more week of my life planned out, and it involved exploring Malta while I figured out my next destination. Like the clueless travler I was at this point, I’d walked to the train station through the busiest section of Rome with the laptop pocket of my backpack 100% unzipped. I might as well have had a patch on the bag asking a pickpocket to take my expensive Macbook Air. Speaking of pickpockets, remember how my hotel concierge assured me they were “verrry nice people” and “you won’t feel a thing”? I don’t think he realized how that second phrase came across, as if pickpockets were going to do much worse than pick my pocket. Thankfully, no pick-pocket did either.

Documentation of my narrow escape from the train trip to the airport.

I’d figured out the train ticket situation, and managed to board the right train and sit in the not-wrong car. My luggage and me got to the airport on time. Boarding was incredibly smooth. And it even looked as though I would have a row to myself (I did). You could say I was feeling like this was really my day…my trip…my life!

As I nestled into my row, savoring all my luck, a mid-to-late 20s couple came down the aisle. Other passengers are wont to do this on airplanes. However, when the gent entered a very generous 3-row bubble of my personal space, he went from ordinary fellow traveler to travel nemesis when I felt, even more than I smelled, his body odor. Out of basic human decency, I won’t elaborate with descriptive words. Let’s just say it was something I’ve never before experienced before or since.

The somehow very happy couple nestled into the row behind me where my thoughts for the duration of the short flight ranged from profound reflection of my time in Rome, to wondering how his girlfriend was able to sit so close, to resenting their existence on my flight, and resolving to remember to spray perfume on a bandana to keep handy for future flights. How very 18th Century of me, I know. And in fact, Lady Emily did end up using this tactic a handful of times during her European travels.

It probably goes without saying, but there’s no pithy take-away from all of this. No advice, nothing helpful. Just something all of us cool humans can “get” in a way that AI can only understand theoretically. Speaking of AI, the robots won’t have body odor. Maybe they’ll have plastic odor or joint oil odor, but they sure won’t be as memorable as this guy. Or any of us. We can celebrate that!

Isn’t life cool, and aren’t people interesting? See you in the next one…

Disclaimers:

1. I know some people legitimately struggle with body odor. And it doesn’t make them a bad person or less lovable.

2. I also know that we get used to our own smells and those of the people we love. That’s good.

3. My own deodorant (aluminum-free, scented Secret, I believe) is running low. You have permission if we ever meet in real life to tell me honestly if I need to reevaluate my deodorant choices.

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