Con the con
Exploring a new possibility for getting on Dateline
Remember personal ads? I’m thinking about posting one myself:
Single, white, female ISO con artist friend. Preferences: Very strong personality and inflated sense of personal confidence, involved in lots of things. Must be a talker and compulsive liar. Even better if you have had an eventful life, been peripherally associated with serious crimes, and possibly have an unsubstantiated, very serious medical diagnosis of some kind. No conscience. I offer: An immense interest in everything you want to share, a desire to understand and connect your past like no one has before, lots of validation and encouragement.See, my life is good, like really good. But even good lives could use some spicing up. I’ve said before that I don’t hope to end up on Dateline. This unfortunate reality show is typically “casting” for the following roles, none of which are appealing:
Victim. No thanks.
Bad Person. No plans to take my life this direction.
Bereaved Loved One. Too sad.
Just this week, it’s dawned on me that there is a fourth Dateline role I’ve not seriously considered. The best news is that this one is much less tragic and is not likely to end in a prison sentence.
Not every or many episodes include this role, which is why it’s such a treat when it does, and why I’m only now exploring it. I’m speaking of the part of Accidental Investigator. This reality-show character is an average person like you or me who doesn’t even KNOW they’re going to be on Dateline.
They are simply at the right/wrong place at the right/wrong time and have abilities—natural and developed—which uniquely qualify them:
Naturally suspicious. Where others see cute, pale pink streamers, you see obnoxiously large, bright red flags.
At least somewhat handy with technology and recording devices.
Good improv skills. Some acting skills, including gullibility.
Decent research skills and gifted at connecting the dots.
Initiative. For reaching out to investigators when the time is right, you know.
Talented at being just a normal person and not arousing suspicion.
I possess all of these. A woman can’t date for 26 years and NOT pick up especially #1.
Caption: I’ve been interested in surveillance and investigative work for a while now. Me in the passenger seat of my flatmate’s SUV on our I Spy Pie night (in 2010). For those curious, this story is mentioned in Dear Fellow Dreamer (p. 49 “Prioritize Your Interests”).
It was a recent Dateline episode which highlighted this role for me. “Secrets in the Ashes” involved a woman getting in touch with a former boyfriend, eventually asking him for money, then talking candidly and often with him about needing someone to kill her husband. Looks like someone never learned the difference between “wants” and “needs,” but that’s neither here nor there.
The Accidental Investigator guy has no interest in a romantic relationship with her and even tells her that he thinks she’s trying to scam him for money for her “cancer diagnosis.” Astonishingly, that doesn’t end their friendship! Talk about resilient. Because she’s more than willing, he keeps the conversation going to get whatever information he can out of her; it ends up being enough to get her convicted and sentenced to 16 years in jail. Much to the heartbreak of THE VERY HUSBAND SHE WAS TRYING TO HAVE KILLED. This is what makes true crime so fabulous; you can’t make this stuff up.
Now, I’m not rushing into anything, since I can identify some cons worth considering. First, possible death. Also, possible physical or financial harm, getting manipulated and duped if you’re not as smart as you thought, your life gets more complicated, waste time since there’s typically no pay for this sort of thing. Being asked for money and asked to do things like find hit men.
There are pros, though, things that make it a role worth at least considering. First on that list is that life would get way more interesting, without you being at the center of the storm. It would also be an EXCELLENT source of creative material for a writer. You might make some new best friends if your accidental investigation brings you into contact with others doing the same thing. You help make the world a better place by bringing Bad Persons to justice. And lastly, it may lead to unexpected opportunities in private investigations or podcasting or who even knows what …
Like I said, I’m only in the early stages of considering this, but I’m seeing definite potential. You—either for me or for you too? In the future, since I can guarantee we’re going to talk about this again, let’s agree to refer to this as “Operation Con the Con.” While I chew on it, if you happen to have any leads on shady people with Dateline-worthy events lurking in their past, would you please send them my way? Ideas also welcome for where to post my personal ad should I choose to proceed
Isn’t life cool and aren’t people interesting—especially some of those shady ones? See you in the next one…
